National Post ePaper

Adult children must stand on their own feet

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.

The following column was originally published in 2016.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. We have two adult children who have been a wonderful part of our lives. My daughter, 33, moved out after high school. She did not complete her college degree and moved back home. She is working a three-hour-a-day job that takes care of her bills and personal expenses.

Our 30-year-old son, “Perry,” is kind and loving, but has since been in trouble with drugs, in jail twice, fathered a beautiful baby, did a year at a sober living residence (we raised the child) and now he's back home — and messing up again. He's lazy, drinking and not attending court-assigned classes. He is, however, a loving father to his two-year-old son.

Perry has not seriously looked for a job because he says he can't drive for another year (two DUI tickets) and he “can't work construction without driving.” He is hanging out with a girl who is not a positive influence. He doesn't have any money, so we can't charge him rent for living at home. He takes care of his son and sometimes helps around the house.

My husband just retired and is sick of the children living here. I am lucky to have my job. We can't kick Perry out in the streets with no money and no job, nor do my husband and I want to start all over again raising a baby.

Feeling Helpless and Depressed

Dear Helpless: You need to take back control of your lives. First, charge rent to your daughter, who will then be motivated to find a better job. Your son is a separate problem. Contact B.I.L.Y. (Because I Loveyou.org). This is an organization for parents of troubled children of any age.

Dear Annie: My husband works long hours at a computer job that he loves. The problem is that many people, from casual acquaintances to old friends, abuse his knowledge. We get several calls a week asking how we are doing and then, “Oh, by the way, could you help me with my computer?” My husband has helped several people set up their businesses or fix problems with their home computers. We are rarely compensated for his time and knowledge even though he mentions his hourly wage to them. It would be nice if these “users” offered some service we could take in exchange, but it never works out that way. Frustrated in Sarasota, Florida

Dear Florida: The words your husband needs are, “Sorry, I can't help you now, but you can schedule an appointment through my office.” And if they do, he should make sure to send them a bill.

YOU

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2021-09-22T07:00:00.0000000Z

2021-09-22T07:00:00.0000000Z

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